Published on
March 12, 2012

Figure 1.1Oh red flags. If only they could physically show up like this one did here. Even just a tiny one, right over the shoulder of the person you are desperately wanting to date, would make things so much easier. Unfortunately red flags aren't as easily noticed, and so they are much easier to ignore.

I shared this image with a friend the other day. It's a comical yet clear example of what the single-but-wanting-to-date experience is sometimes like. I think it's genius. Then I figured, after my last post, it would be fun to list out my own red flags.

Over the past couple of days I've had a good amount of conversations with other guys about our red flags, and I encourage you to do the same. There are a lot of general flags out there that most everyone should be aware of.

If she speaks positively about Jersey Shore, for example, or if she has too many duckface photos. You know, things most guys can agree on.

However let me stress that the list I'm about to present strictly pertains to myself and my past experiences. Not all of these will be something you might relate to, but I still hope that you find them helpful, or even humorous. These are phrases, qualities, or actions that I've seen before, ignored, and consequently lived with the mistakes. These are my personal lessons learned. Basically, if I were to encounter a girl who expresses anything on this list, I would be forced to drop everything...and simply walk away.

List of my red flags:
1. If she says, "I haven't seen my original hair color in years."
I'm not against girls dying their hair. I understand. You're bored. It's a change of pace. Exciting. Whatever. But if you've forgotten your natural hair color then there's something wrong. Either you're uncomfortable with the way God created you or you're a CIA Agent with twenty aliases. Regardless I'm not willing to deal with those issues.

2. If she says, "All my friends are guys." or "I just don't get along with other girls."
I've mentioned this one before. What I really don't understand is how all girls pre-judge all girls by saying all girls are judgemental and petty. Get it together ladies.

3. Swooning.
This also includes having a bigger crush on Ryan Gosling than I do.

4. If Her go-to music includes anything by Ke$ha, Gaga, or Madonna.
Do you even know what real music is?

On a side note: if you get all of your advice from Cosmo, this is also grounds for me to walk away.

5. If the thought of dating me upsets you because you "can't wear heels anymore."
She broke up with me because of this. Need I say more?

6. Anything that Jocelyn says.
Jocelyn is the girl I'm interested in. Only problem is that everything out of Jocelyn's mouth is a clear red flag. I think Jocelyn is totally awesome and incredibly attractive; unfortunately Figure 1.2 basically describes how I feel with Jocelyn every time I see her.

Also, Jocelyn is not her real name.

7. If I can cook better than her.
I'm not sexist, I just happen to know my inadequacies. Cooking, cleaning, and finding my way around the grocery store just happen to be a few.

8. Terminal Homesickness.
Some girls miss home, and some girls metaphorically die if they haven't been home that weekend. Seriously, who wants to date that kind of person? Live in the moment. If your heart is somewhere else then you should probably stay there, and take your whining with you.

9. If she prefers texting to talking on the phone.
Basically, if you keep asking your friends "What does he mean when he says [insert obviously straightforward statement here]?" then we're probably going to be in trouble.

10. If she actually seems to genuinely like me after 10 minutes
I wasn't going to include this one because it seems pretty self-depreciating. Unfortunately it's true. If a girl seems interested...MORE than interested...and we barely know each other, I'm flattered, but the truth is she's probably crazy. Experience shows that these don't last, or there's something else that needs to be looked into. I tell myself, "wait...hold up...Why?" and look for the other red flags. This is especially true if she's pretty.

Honorable Mention: If she hasn't seen Star Wars.
(While not necessarily a red flag, it is a cause of concern.)
This also includes, but is not limited to, The Lord of The Rings Trilogy, and the canceled Sci-Fi series Firefly. You need to watch them, and you need to like them. Case Closed.

Figure 1.2

So there you have it. [Some of] my red flags.

I tried to keep them light and quick, and since I'm being as specific as possible I figured they wouldn't need any more explanation. However I do believe I'll expand on some of these in the near future. Regardless I hope you enjoyed this.

Also, if you'd like to see more from Wes Molebash, you can go to his blog here: I also recommend You'll Have That as it was one of my favorite comics and what originally introduced me to Wes.

So what are some of your red flags? Share below!

Mattias is an actor, writer, filmmaker, and editor currently living in Los Angeles, CA. He often writes about his observations about life, the human condition, spirituality, and relationships. He also enjoys writing about movies, pop culture, formula one, and current events. Often these writings are 'initial thoughts' and un-edited, as authentic as possible, and should be considered opinions. If you're interested in commenting on his work, or continuing the conversation, you should consider following him on Twitter or share an article on social media, where he would love to engage even further. Consider subscribing via RSS for more.