Published on
January 16, 2011

To accommodate my normally busy schedule on Sundays I've decided to write this post on my phone. I don't like this for a variety of reasons, but the good news is that this one will be short.

This morning Gateway finished up their three week Momentum series. You can find them online at I skipped last weeks message because I wasn't exactly sure what I thought about it, and most of it was a rehash. After writing about the first one as well I'm actually pretty sure I'm going to toss the sermon recap for something a little more personal. I just see no point in outlining another churches sermon, no one wants to read it, and it'd be better to just stick with my experience.

However, Sunday will still remain spiritual in topic so the rest of the week can be a free-for-all. I'll save the heavy stuff for here. This might also change in the future; fair warning.

Though I did feel that the messages at Gateway were somewhat inconsistent, while going about my weeks I have been able to identify the traits about me that I'd like to leave behind for new ones. I know I mentioned this two weeks ago, but I found there are other things that are also holding me back. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with them; in fact I'm scared some things may never change, but I'm going to identify them here so that I can remember to pray about it and continue to work on myself. I want to fix these things because I'm finding I'll hurt more people if I don't. I want to change my:

Bitterness into Patience
Hindsight into Foresight
Temper into Serenity

I've said time and time again that I'm broken. I know I'm not perfect and I can accept that, but I can't tolerate the fact that I tend to hurt those closest to me without meaning to. That no one wants to be around me and I'm stuck in the lifeboat by myself. I've told myself time and again that I need to speak less and laugh more but I've grown up just wanting people to listen to me so I learned how to talk to get their attention. I learned that sarcasm works well in this area, but over time I've become cynical. I see the negative and ignore the positives. I call it like I see it but no one ever asks for it.

Truth is I'm still a child.

And I need to grow up.

Mattias is an actor, writer, filmmaker, and editor currently living in Los Angeles, CA. He often writes about his observations about life, the human condition, spirituality, and relationships. He also enjoys writing about movies, pop culture, formula one, and current events. Often these writings are 'initial thoughts' and un-edited, as authentic as possible, and should be considered opinions. If you're interested in commenting on his work, or continuing the conversation, you should consider following him on Twitter or share an article on social media, where he would love to engage even further. Consider subscribing via RSS for more.