Published on
April 11, 2011

Today was deliberate.

I have to say that this weekend was much needed, and I thank anyone who has read these past few blogs since the incident for your patience in allowing me to express my actual feelings and thoughts on the issue. Like I said the first night, there's a lot I could say, but I actually kept most of it to myself.

I've been through break-ups before. This one was actually tame compared to the rest. In fact, I'd have to say it was the easiest I've ever had. That's not to say I didn't care. I actually cared a lot, but a lot has changed since I met Josie. I've learned a lot about myself and since she came along I've made myself a better person. Though she may be more sure about us not ending up together than I am, I still respect the decision and saw no point in fighting about it.

If God wants me in her life. As a friend. As something else. Then He'll put her there. I trust what He's doing.

This weekend has helped me to come to grips with that. Not to say that I'm ready to move on, but I needed the time to just let it settle and sink in.

I just needed peace.
A reminder of what he's given me and how far I've come, and how he is always in control and bringing me forward.

I am grateful for Josie. I wish it wasn't over, but I am grateful for everything.

It'll still be a while before I stop double-taking at every Nissan Sentra.
It'll be even longer before I stop jumping at every status update.

However I know what I must do. This has been an easy transition because I'm no longer trying to take control. I'm not trying to make sense of the situation. I'm not sure it should be over, but I'm fine with that, and I'm definitely not as confused as I've been in the past. I'm letting go easier than I've ever done before; because I know it's not up to me in the long run. God has been faithful, and as long as I remain faithful to him he will continue to reward me, and that's what I needed to remember this weekend.

I took a break.

Tomorrow I'm coming back to where I'm supposed to be.


Mattias is an actor, writer, filmmaker, and editor currently living in Los Angeles, CA. He often writes about his observations about life, the human condition, spirituality, and relationships. He also enjoys writing about movies, pop culture, formula one, and current events. Often these writings are 'initial thoughts' and un-edited, as authentic as possible, and should be considered opinions. If you're interested in commenting on his work, or continuing the conversation, you should consider following him on Twitter or share an article on social media, where he would love to engage even further. Consider subscribing via RSS for more.