Today was proof.
I snoozed for about an hour and a half this morning. This is mostly due to my lack of sleep this past weekend, but it's also because I didn't feel the urge to get up like I had the past few days. I didn't dream of her this morning. I was able to keep going.
Did you know it rained Sunday night?
Wanna know how I found out?
My jeep was soaked this morning. I suppose that's what I get for not putting the top back up, but honestly I didn't care much. Frustrated at first, but it didn't last long as I let it fade. Sure I was a little damp upon arriving to school, but honestly driving without the top makes my days so much better. I don't know if it's the air, the blue sky, or the brightness coming through, but it just helps me to forget everything that's going on.
At school I stayed in the moment. I allowed myself to be in the now.
I say today was proof because it confirmed to me that the last several months have paid off. I realized I am not the same man as I was before. I've changed.
I'm no longer confused - asking why - or trying to fight the changes or God.
It was proof because I can keep going without worry or anxiety. I've understood my lack of control, and therefore I've been able to make proper decisions. I'm allowing things to be as they are. This coming from the guy who's written blogs since 2006 after all the other break-ups - I can at least compare to those situations.
To say that I've moved on would be an exaggeration.
Simply: I've learned to just let it be.
So today was proof that I can transition without over analyzing. I can stop over-thinking. I can stop vying for control. Stop wrestling for the answers. I can even stop predicting - assuming that things are really going to turn out this way or that way or whichever way I truly hope for them to turn out.
Today was proof that I can rely on God.
That there is something bigger than myself.
That I'll be taken care of.
And even those things, I didn't even have to think about, because today I just lived in the present.
And I haven't done something like that in a very...long...time.
Mattias is an actor, writer, filmmaker, and editor currently living in Los Angeles, CA. He often writes about his observations about life, the human condition, spirituality, and relationships. He also enjoys writing about movies, pop culture, formula one, and current events. Often these writings are 'initial thoughts' and un-edited, as authentic as possible, and should be considered opinions. If you're interested in commenting on his work, or continuing the conversation, you should consider following him on Twitter or share an article on social media, where he would love to engage even further. Consider subscribing via RSS for more.