Published on
May 2, 2011

Today was Nostalgic.

I visited my old apartment complex this afternoon. They needed my signature in order to finally take me off the lease. While there I saw the familiar skyline. I felt the wind and heard the snapping of the flags erected outside the leasing center.

For a split second I traveled through time.

I remembered when I first came to Austin. 22 years old. Fresh out of the military - a civilian for the first time in 4 years. My goals were few: Acquire an apartment with my best friend, register for school, find a church, succeed.

These I achieved quite easily. The dream of becoming an actor had been laid out before me.

But life had other plans.

To put it bluntly: I was not the man God intended. Trials emerged. Temptation reared its ugly head. Frankly I still needed to learn a few things.

Some of those things included: The value of mentorship, not living above my means, and understanding that everything I believed I knew was completely wrong. Proudly standing on top of those was my inability to manage relationships correctly.

Control. I sum it all up with this. What I thought I had was not originally mine, but I held on to what rightfully belonged to God out of selfish desire. Honestly I didn't fully catch on to my ignorance; by all accounts I believed in my obedience. The extent of my foolishness, however, was staggering.


But...that was a year and a half ago...the former ghost of me.

Now I am much more self aware. God has entered my heart, my very being, and transformed me from the inside. I changed into the man I always wanted to be, was always intended to be, and He began a work that will fulfill itself from now on and into the future. Where I began I am not today, and it is because I committed to surrendering my life into His hands. I resigned to becoming the point man, and not the brains of the operation, and in so doing I allowed Him to lead me into a life of excitement and constant wonder.

This is where I reside. Not at the end of my journey, but currently immersed within an ongoing adventure.

I see the beginnings of where He will eventually take me, like tiny pieces of silky thread which He has allowed me to grasp firmly, and the visions couldn't be more thrilling.

I see a career laid before me that is too good to be true. It arrived quickly but I know that as I continually look to God for guidance I will be ready for wherever it takes me. Proof that my passions and desires He will deliver.

I see the people I am to continually build into. Those God is seeking to make His own, and He has allowed me to serve as his instrument. Here I can assist in the heart change, by loving them, and I am humbly grateful to do this work.

I see the leader of which I am destined to become. Impossible if not for those who continually pour into me week after week. Those mentors set up to guide me further in His ways and not my own.

Lastly I see the prospect of a new relationship. One that can be fully pleasing to God. One that, if deliberate, could potentially alter the course of all these things towards the direction I've always wanted to head. This I am least sure of, but God means to show me a new way of doing things regardless, because in the end it will come - and I must be prepared.

Now it is a process of taking my constant fears, doubts, and frustrations captive and letting Him take control; because I should not be driven by these things.

He has overcome. These. Things.

This is where I smile and say, "I am blessed."

Truly, whatever it is He has in store for me, I am headed towards something great.

Mattias is an actor, writer, filmmaker, and editor currently living in Los Angeles, CA. He often writes about his observations about life, the human condition, spirituality, and relationships. He also enjoys writing about movies, pop culture, formula one, and current events. Often these writings are 'initial thoughts' and un-edited, as authentic as possible, and should be considered opinions. If you're interested in commenting on his work, or continuing the conversation, you should consider following him on Twitter or share an article on social media, where he would love to engage even further. Consider subscribing via RSS for more.